Self-Confidence

In order to develop healthy relationships with others we have to first develop a healthy relationship with ourselves.  By doing the hard work of being honest with ourselves, peeling away the layers and seeing who we really are, over time, we can truly begin to accept ourselves.

Why is self-confidence so important to career success? It’s critical to effective performance in the workplace because it is the major source of effectiveness.  If you are assertive, you fully express your opinions and recommendations to others.  Assertiveness is a major aspect of leadership.  If you can’t manage yourself effectively, then you can’t effectively manage others.

Self-confidence is an ongoing process.  It requires developing and reinforcing a positive but realistic belief in your abilities.  In my career and life, confidence in myself has enabled me to achieve everything.  It’s the fuel which fires my curiosity to venture into the unknown.  With self-confidence comes the courage to attempt the impossible knowing that regardless of the outcome, I believed that I had the willingness to make the effort.

Many people mask low self-esteem through displays of arrogance and bravado – which is an insincere show of self-confidence.  People can be arrogant and highly egotistical on the surface but have low self-esteem underneath.  That’s why self-confidence – the belief in your internal abilities – is not the same as self-esteem – the belief in your inner worth.  Knowing us and developing our interpersonal skills are the key steps to building a real sense of self-confidence and self-respect.  I’ve learned that there is no such thing as failure, there’s only outcomes.  I learn something valuable from every situation in life.

How do we develop confidence at work?

We build confidence by solving our own problems, overcoming challenges and dealing with setbacks and failures – in other words, through hard work and perseverance.  Self-confidence is cultivated through what I call an ongoing “success loop”, in which we perform a task, get positive support and feedback for it, receive ongoing coaching and mentoring and then repeat the process over and over again.  Self-confidence is an attitude in which individuals can develop and maintain a positive, yet realistic view of themselves, their actions and reactions.  Self-confident people trust their own abilities.  They have a sense of control in their lives and believe they will accomplish what they wish and plan.

We all know people who lack self-confidence and underachieve; yet many of them have a great deal of ability.  What’s holding them back is paralysis or inability to take calculated risks.

Fear of Failure

Failure is a very subjective and negative word.  Denial comes from fear.  Fear of change and fear of failure are almost interchangeable.  Even thinking about new situations and challenges makes some of us doubt our abilities, our intelligence or our capacity to overcome obstacles that may arise.  However, if our self-worth is strong, fears may still exist, but they no longer have the power to permanently cripple us.  Failure is a just a temporary setback in the learning experience.

Fear of change is a very real phenomenon, and can also be debilitating.  All of us have self-limiting beliefs.  Its part of being human, and when it comes to careers, there are two really big ones: fear of failure, and fear of change.  Fear of change is a reality – know what it feels like.  When I changed my first job, I was terrified made an irreversible mistake.  It takes hard work to change.  Real change requires commitment and a willingness to exit your comfort zone for an extended period of time.  This is probably why people rarely make fundamental transformations of this kind.  Not because the transformation is not possible, but because we lack the commitment and courage required.  If you are serious about change, you must accept that hard work and discipline lie ahead.  But the rewards are worth the effort because as the change develops, you will begin to internalize the new feeling and develop confidence in your new direction.  Confidence is derived from successful outcomes.

Fear of success is the flip side of fear of failure.  Fear of the unknown creates anxiety.  You may wonder if you can live up to the demands and expectations of others.  If you are a private person, you may not want the spotlight.  There are many reasons people are fearful, but there is only one thing that will get rid of fear: face your fears head on.  The quickest way to overcome fear of failure is to take a risk.  It shouldn’t be a big risk but a small one and preferably a calculated one.  What’s the downside? If you fail, you’ll realize that you gave your 100% effort.  If you succeed, you’ll feel a genuine sense of accomplishment and your self-confidence will begin to grow.  The more you know and accept yourself and focus on positive results, the less you worry about what your peers think, the more likely you are to see yourself as an independent free agent who has choices and takes action.  Failure means that we tried something and it didn’t work.  Human beings learn by trial and error, by understanding what doesn’t work, and by continuing to adjust their strategies until they find out what does.  People never fail if they never try to accomplish anything with their lives.  We can’t grow unless we take risks.  Taking risks is about finding the courage to say yes, I can do it.

Finding the Courage

We humans seem to be pretty adaptable species.  We bounce back to our normal state of happiness after critical injury, natural disasters, etc.  But ask virtually anyone you know and if they are honest they will tell you: the effects of a job loss linger long after they return to the work force.  Think of your job or career path like a carousel at an amusement park.  You get on it at the beginning, when it’s barely moving.  At first that is fine because all you’re doing is feeling your way around.  But as you progress at your job, you generate energy and competence and comfort, and the carousel begins to spin faster.  The more experience you get, the faster the carousel goes until one day you realize its spinning pretty fast even though you don’t want to be there and you start to think about jumping off.  But maybe you don’t make the leap because you figure you’ll wait until the opportunity is right.  But the carousel doesn’t slow down, you don’t make a decision and things keep going faster and faster.  The faster the carousal goes, the harder it is to jump off without really hurting you.

More Information

For more information call (780) 901-7065 for personal or online coaching to become an optimist or learn self-confidence and self-esteem.  For super busy people, we feature “fast-track” counselling for workplace issues over the phone.

Internet:  www.reginagershman-imageconsulting.com